Dick Pix

So apparently guys have collectively decided that the best way to a woman's heart is by taking pics of one's.. how should I say.. man meat, and then emailing it to one's target of romance. The only conceivable result is an instant swoon, followed by love ever-lasting. Amirite?

Now, I have been told by some well-meaning but clearly delusional people that this is, in fact, not so seductive... but I'm not really convinced.

In order to put my doubts to rest, I'd like to conduct a test. I've compiled some pictures of really big dicks, and would like to see if you, dear reader, find them arousing. Let the viewing begin:

Dick Pick 1
Dick Pick 2
Dick Pick 3
Dick Pick 4
Dick Pick 5

Well, what say you?

Serenade me with the song that will quiet my burning question: are dick pix truly an effective method to seduce a woman?

Wife Aggro

So recently I've begun playing World of Warcraft again, and one of the common reasons that people end up having to stop playing before they're good and ready is the dreaded "wife aggro".

Now at the risk of sounding sexist, I've truly never heard of a case wherein the wife is playing and the husband is angry at being neglected. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I've never seen it.

So, what do you do when you have wife aggro? If you're a lamer, (or care about your marriage,) then you'll log off. But let's explore some alternative choices before we do anything as drastic as leaving your raid early!

1) One word: Chloroform.

2) Work out a barter system. If she leaves you alone on raid nights, take her out to a romantic comedy (or whatever it is she personally would enjoy.)

3) Subtly encourage her to find a boyfriend on-the-side. With you seemingly ignorant of her indiscretions, she'll either be out enjoying herself or home and feeling so guilty that she'll let you play in peace.

4) First of all, it is imperative that you have two WoW-capable computers in your household for this to work. Create a level 1 character, then approach your spouse while she's in a good mood. Ask her for the favor of watching over your character while you run out for a few minutes. Show her the basics, then leave for thirty minutes. Come back home and she ought to be well hooked and ready to have you install WoW on the second computer! And the best part: an X-53 Touring Rocket!

5) Should your wife prove resistant to everything else, then just how compatible are you two anyway? I mean, on the one hand you have a living breathing human of the opposite gender who is apparently attracted to you. On the other hand, you have pixels that, if you sink hours and hours into the game (and get lucky), will start showing purple and give you a sense of achievement. Tough choice, I know...

And that, my friends, is sound advice on how to handle the inevitable "wife aggro" problem. Hopefully Blizzard's working on a patch to address this issue, but until then feel free to bookmark this post.

A short post today.

This is really cool. Check it out!

The Bachelor's Life

Ah, yes, the single life. As a guy, I've set up a nice bachelor pad and enjoy hanging with my buddies. Sometimes, though, I ponder my circumstances and wonder if I couldn't be doing something more to meet a nice girl?

I've given lots of thought to this lately, since one generally doesn't meet eligible partners of the opposite sex (or same sex, whatever you prefer) in one's mother's kitchen.

Yes, I've pulled the timeless classic; as an adult, I have now moved back in with my parents. My bachelor pad happens to be the spare bedroom.

It is a temporary arrangement as I hunt for a job and start saving up some cash now that I'm back State-side. (At least, that's what I reassuringly tell my parents. Personally, I wanna live as long as I possibly can! I cite Failure to Launch as a personal inspiration.)

This situation does, however, present a considerable amount of problems when it comes to dating.

Nor does it help that I don't actually have a cell-phone. So I give out my parents phone number, right? And when girls call, invariably during the one hour a week that I'm not actually in the house, playing video games, they're always confused by the answering machine which fails to mention me.

Oh, and I don't exactly have a car, so I'm always like "could you swing by and pick me up?" And as I mentioned before, I don't have a job yet. So like, I always have to make sure the girl is willing to pay for me. (I'm a modern man, freed from outdated concepts of gender roles!)

If things work out well, the lucky gal and I can come back to my (parents') place and sit on my bed, watching TV. Of course, the door has to stay open - house rules. "Aren't you 26 years old?" Yes, well, when you're not paying rent, you have to roll with the punches.

Most of the time, I get bored of TV and try to show them World of Warcraft. Which of course, by "show them" I mean "ignore them for". More often than not, when I log out for the evening they're nowhere to be seen. Mysteriously slipped off during the raid, apparently. Again.

Yes, life as an eligible bachelor is pretty sweet. I just wish I had more opportunities to bump into women in my daily life. You know, women who didn't give birth to me.