Wife Aggro

So recently I've begun playing World of Warcraft again, and one of the common reasons that people end up having to stop playing before they're good and ready is the dreaded "wife aggro".

Now at the risk of sounding sexist, I've truly never heard of a case wherein the wife is playing and the husband is angry at being neglected. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I've never seen it.

So, what do you do when you have wife aggro? If you're a lamer, (or care about your marriage,) then you'll log off. But let's explore some alternative choices before we do anything as drastic as leaving your raid early!

1) One word: Chloroform.

2) Work out a barter system. If she leaves you alone on raid nights, take her out to a romantic comedy (or whatever it is she personally would enjoy.)

3) Subtly encourage her to find a boyfriend on-the-side. With you seemingly ignorant of her indiscretions, she'll either be out enjoying herself or home and feeling so guilty that she'll let you play in peace.

4) First of all, it is imperative that you have two WoW-capable computers in your household for this to work. Create a level 1 character, then approach your spouse while she's in a good mood. Ask her for the favor of watching over your character while you run out for a few minutes. Show her the basics, then leave for thirty minutes. Come back home and she ought to be well hooked and ready to have you install WoW on the second computer! And the best part: an X-53 Touring Rocket!

5) Should your wife prove resistant to everything else, then just how compatible are you two anyway? I mean, on the one hand you have a living breathing human of the opposite gender who is apparently attracted to you. On the other hand, you have pixels that, if you sink hours and hours into the game (and get lucky), will start showing purple and give you a sense of achievement. Tough choice, I know...

And that, my friends, is sound advice on how to handle the inevitable "wife aggro" problem. Hopefully Blizzard's working on a patch to address this issue, but until then feel free to bookmark this post.